Recently I have been having difficulties with some low kidney blood counts, and, although the doctors have assured me it is not my cancer, I can’t help but thinking that it must be. I realize just how often I assume, in fact am positive, that whatever ailment I have must be coming from my Cancer. I think that this might be a common reaction from all who suffer from Cancer, and other catastrophic, chronic illnesses. As much as I say that my Cancer does not define me, and as much as I strive to live life to the fullest around my symptoms and side effects, it’s become apparent to me just how often I jump on the Cancer bandwagon, regardless of what doctors say, and regardless of my own common sense.
I decided to reflect on my own behavior when it comes to this, and had to laugh. So many examples of times when I was SURE that my Cancer was the culprit of a given symptom or illness. The most recent one? My allergies! I kid you not! The Cancer MUST have permeated my sinuses! Headaches – the Cancer for sure! Back pain! But of course it is the Cancer! Now mind you, I have dealt with allergies, headaches, and back pain all of my adult life. Now, I look at them, and all my health issues, through an entirely different lens. The slightest twinge of pain, the least little stomach upset, the mildest ache, all send me reeling, certain that my Cancer has spread, or that my existing Cancer is triggering these ailments. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My challenge is to breathe through these anxieties, summon my logical thinking, and push against the inclination to label everything as stemming from my Cancer. I have to work at this, and look at each new health issue in its own right, trying not to glob them all into one big Cancer ball!!! So I will keep breathing, and keep focusing on the positive, as I work on giving the power of my thoughts to me, and not to my Cancer.
‘Til Next Time,